October 31st, 2008 by Jennine

Our kids ride the same bus as the kids from the group home. For the most part, other than learning how to use swear words in context, this has not been a problem. One of the benefits of sharing a bus ride with inner city kids is being up-to-date with one’s gang signs.

This morning Kait came over before the kids went to school so that she could help Elly put on her make up for the Halloween celebration at school since Kait’s apparently an expert at achieving the Wraith Queen look and the only thing Elly wants to be this year is a “Age-sucking wraith queen”.

If you aren’t a Stargate Atlantis fan, you have no idea what I’m talking about but let me assure you that I am just as confused by the idea that my sweet, nine year old, princess-loving, Hannah Montana wanna-be, feminine daughter has a dark side. And now I have to remember to check under her mattress for baggies of marijuana.

After Kait helped Elly prepare the age-sucking look, all the kids were sitting in the living room waiting for the bus to arrive. Logan and Daniel were demonstrating their vast knowledge of gang gestures when Kait said, with a certain longing in her voice:

“Awww…I used to be so good at gang signs but now I can’t remember.”

If anyone else’s children said the same thing this morning, will you please contact me via email?

omg@wheredidigowrong.com

October 10th, 2008 by Jennine

Today is Kait’s birthday which means that I’m a mother of a 20 year old. When did I get this old?? I feel like hip replacements are suddenly just around the corner.

Anyway, we spent the afternoon together and she reminded me of something Logan said that I never want to forget.

When Logan was in kindergarten he used to run up the driveway every afternoon anxious to tell me about his day and show me all his papers from school. One day he got off the bus and started yelling something to me as he made his way up the driveway. I knew something big had happened at school.

When he got to the house, he burst through the front door and said “Mom! Mrs. Sybrant was sick today and instead we had a prostitute teacher!”

~sigh~

Yeah… I never want to forget that.

July 30th, 2008 by Jennine

**Due to the sensitive nature of this post, names have been changes in order to protect the guilty**

We are fortunate to have central air conditioning in our home despite the fact that the unit which came with our house when we purchased it is just a little too small to cool properly on the really hot days.

Kyle and Cartman’s room tends to be the warmest in the house so they have a large fan in their room to help keep things tolerable in the heat of the summer evening.

Unfortunately, the fan has become a great source of contention between the brothers. They both want to fall asleep with the fan blowing directly on them because then they are the winner.

Tonight the fighting and arguing was in rare form. I ignored the ever-increasing volume of debate because I was too tired to care about something so trivial. All I wanted for the remaining hours of my evening was to sprawl, bra-less, on my couch with a spoon and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. I fantasized about it all day long.

“Mommmm! Tell Cartman to turn the fan on meeeee. He’s had it on him for the last two nightsssssssss,” pleaded Kyle in the tone of voice that makes me say really bad words in my head.

“Cartman!” I responded from the couch in the living room, “It’s Kyle’s turn to have the fan on him tonight and if you say one word about it, the fan is coming out of your room!”

I used the voice that tells the kids I mean business. It’s the voice where all words are connected together and sound a lot like a machine gun being fired into the air by a member of the Medellín Cartel.

It was effective for about five minutes before Kyle made one last battle cry:

“MOMMMMM! CARTMAN KEEPS FARTING INTO THE FAN FOR NO REASON AND IT’S BLOWING RIGHT INTO MY FACE AND HE HAD BEAN WITH BACON SOUP FOR SUPPER!!!!”

And so one wind ruined the other.

January 13th, 2008 by Jennine

“Dad, I want to go ice fishing with Tyler.”

“That’s fine but where are you going to get the money to buy minnows?”

“Man, I really need to get a job. I’m tired of living birthday to birthday!”