November 30th, 2008 by Jennine

I began writing about or lives on the internet back in 2002. After our first computer crashed, we were unable to replace it and I lost my very first website called “Best Day of My Life”.

Recently I discovered the website called “Wayback Machine” which is collecting and archiving information dating back as far as 1996. I’m so happy to find my old stuff that I don’t even care about the privacy implications!

Young Jedi Knights

I heard them talking in the hallway so I stopped to listen. Logan and Isaiah, known affectionately as Mister, were discussing who was the better Jedi Knight. Since they were having difficulty coming to a conclusion, I decided to step in and say “You are BOTH wonderful young Jedi knights.”

Logan, with his lisp, retorted “Mom, you have to thay that. You’re our mother.”

“I know I’m your mother, but I still say that you are both wonderful Jedi Knights.

As I walked away, proud of my self-esteem building jargon, I heard Isaiah say “May the force be with you, Wogan.”

Logan replied in a whisper, “And altho with you.”

Bathroom Humor

There is a chain reaction of events that occurs when I decide to take a bath. Without verbalizing my intentions, I will slip out of the room and gather my clothing and towel and tip toe quietly to the bathroom. Once at the door, I open it as quickly as possible and bolt inside, slamming the door behind me and locking it quickly. As I lean against the barrier between chaos and peace, I close my eyes and offer up a prayer of thanks for having gone into my respite undiscovered.

The next part is always tricky.

I begin the act of filling the tub, instantly causing a biological change in my children’s bowels. I know better than to disrobe before this point.

5….4….3…2….1

Knock, knock. “Mommm, I have to pooooooop!”

“Use the downstairs bathroom!” I mutter, biting the insides of my cheeks.

“Someone’s already pooping in the downstairs bathroom, and I have to go BAD!”

Since I can’t fight mother nature, I simply turn off the bathtub faucet, turn on the exhaust fan and light a candle in hopes of clearing out the lingering aroma I try so hard to avoid.
My urge to bathe is suddenly replaced with the desire for a quick shower.

Opening the door, I let the intruder into the bathroom and give my usual instructions: “Make sure you wipe, flush and then wash your hands when you are finished.”

“I know, I know…and don’t touch your toothbrush, right Mom?”

“That’s right. Don’t touch my toothbrush.”

Pop Tart Smugglers

Pop Tarts are a rare treat in our home. Not only do Pop Tarts lack nutrition, they are expensive with seven children to feed. Occasionally I do buy them if behavior and budget warrants, so on this day the little boxes sat on my counter top practically taunting the boys. I gave the kids a list of work to be done and told them of their Pop Tart reward if they finished their work without complaining. Everyone scrambled to their assigned tasks except for Logan and Mister. These two headed for the garage and shut the door behind them. My eyebrows went up and I wondered what they were up to, but I became distracted with a diaper and vowed to come back to this issue.

Not much time had passed before Logan came into the house being all lovey-dovey. He was batting his eyes and smiling as he told me how much he loved me. In a methodical way, he wrapped his arms around my waist and hugged me for a long time.

It was long enough to serve their purpose. I heard the crinkling sound of a Pop Tart wrapper and out of the corner of my eye I saw a blond head moving at the speed of a small rabbit. A small, hungry rabbit. Mister was making a dash to the garage while Logan kept me at bay with his pseudo-affection!

I realized that I had been had! This was a professional job done by professional Pop Tart Smugglers! I suppose they were going to rendezvous at a predetermined point in the yard and dine together in blissful peace.

I’m so glad to have ruined their plans.

Since smuggling is an offense punishable by law, it was decided that these two master minds would serve their hard working siblings the warm, fragrant Pop Tarts and then observe the feast from the corner where they swallowed a large portion of Sweet Justice, Humble Pie and Crow.

I am a Professional Mother.

Mount Neverrest

One of the most difficult aspects of raising a large family has to be the laundry.

I refer to my laundry pile as Mt. Neverrest, whose steep heights I climb several times a day. The children have been instructed that if I do not return from the laundry room within a ten minute period of time, they are to call 911 immediately and tell the dispatcher that we have a code “Downy Blue”.

Our family has developed “Homeland Security” training, which takes place about every fiftieth load. We have a protocol set in place for every potential laundry catastrophe– a fire, as a result of the lint screen not being cleaned for a week, a flood of Biblical proportion because our eighth child, Not Me, left his or her stuffed animal in the laundry tub, and certainly the worst of all laundry disasters…the crayon which made it through to the dryer. The interior of this abused appliance hosts all seven colors of the spectrum, as does my husband’s underwear.

Socks are another story. If you can…try to imagine 18 socks being cycled through Mt. Neverrest each day. Since that is a low estimate, due mostly to Elly Joy’s fascination with her toes, it is safe to say that I wash about 140 socks per week. The odds of having any properly matched pair of socks is staggering.

In my attempt to tame the sock monster, I have resorted to several different methods of containment, depending on my energy level. I have been known to pin socks together before offering them up as holy sacrifices at the foot of Mt. Neverrest. This means that I must catch the children in the act of removing them. Rarely does my energy level rise to this sort of hellish organization so more commonly I gather as many socks that will fit into one steel-reinforced laundry basket and go for broke.

My children now trade matched socks like other children trade Pokemon cards. In fact, just the other day I found Kevin’s stash of beautifully rolled up, hole-free socks in his secret hiding place. I both applaud his resourcefulness and admire his foresight. I will also use this knowledge to blackmail him into cleaning the refrigerator.

I’ll post a few more in the future but for now, I’m going to go back up my blog.

November 26th, 2008 by Jennine

Since I began working for the Post Review newspaper six months ago, I have had many opportunities to meet amazing people in my community. But none more so than the Eiden family who despite having eight children of their own, decided to adopt five more children from Liberia, Africa, simply because they felt the Lord was calling them to do so.

While doing the interview with this family, I had opportunity to say the following words: “I only have seven children.” It was a first for me.

As I observed this family interact with each other it was apparent to me that God has given these parents a generous portion of patience and understanding. With 15 people in their home, just the normal activity was hectic in a sense I seldom experience.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my internet friends. I hope you have a wonderful time with your loved ones.

The Eiden family (l-r) Back row: Glen, Carter, Vera, Darla, Ilia, Matthew and Breen.Front row: Klein, Paxton, John, Sully, Mimi, Callan, Maria and Tayt.

The Eidens are bighearted people but the story of why they adopted five children from Liberia, Africa, is nothing short of a lesson in love.

While in their dating years, Glen and Darla Eiden had the typical “how many kids do you want” discussion. Darla quickly answered “four”. Glen responded “zero”.

A logical solution might have been to have two children and call it even. However, love is rarely logical.

Glen and Darla were married and through the years welcomed seven biological children into their family: Carter, Tayt, Paxton, Callan, Sully, Breen and Ilia.

Then, in December 2004, Darla happened to read an article about AIDS in Africa and the huge number of orphans left in the wake of the disease.

“I felt the Lord begin to stir my heart. I didn’t know exactly what that meant for us, but I wanted to find out,” explained Darla.

She decided to call Glen, a software engineer, at work.

“Honey,” she said, “I think God is calling us to move to Africa.”

Glen just laughed.

As the Eidens began to explore different options, they felt that the Lord was leading them towards adoption. Together they agreed to pursue adopting asibling group of two or three children and decided on the country of Liberia.

In May 2005, the Eidens hired a social worker to conduct a home study and were approved for the two or three children they were hoping to adopt.

They began working with the WACSN (West African Children Support Network) orphanage to find a family in their desired age ranges.

“One thing we were certain about throughout the process was that we wanted to adopt children younger than our eldest biological son,” explained Glen.

While filling out the required paperwork, the Eidens’ social worker told them to write the largest number that they would possibly consider adopting to avoid having to resubmit the forms. Adopting less than the form indicated was fine, but not more.

Darla filled out the form with the number six. Glen said, “No way are we taking six!” However, after discussing it more, he said that the most he would consider adopting was five.

In June 2005, the Eidens began receiving pictures of sibling groups from the orphanage. Most were sets of two, but one group of five children (ranging in ages from three to 12 years) really touched their hearts.

“Glen would come home from work, stare at the picture of the two older children and say ‘What is going to happen to them?’ It was an option to take only the three younger ones, but that was not the Lord’s plan,” said Darla.

The social worker who conducted the home study, without hesitation, changed her earlier recommendation of three children to support the Eidens’ decision. Soon the Eiden family of nine would be the Eiden family of 14.

“It was so wonderful to see God move to make His will happen in our lives,” said Darla.

Darla shared the news with her mother who relayed it to her father:

“Glen and Darla feel the Lord has called them to adopt a family of five from Africa,” she explained.

With his usual sense of humor, Darla’s father replied, “Well, tell her to call Him back. He must have dialed the wrong number!”

The Eidens received great support from their extended family, and also from their church family at Maranatha in Wyoming, Minn.

“Our church became intercessors, praying for our family and the adoption. They were awesome. They even helped us finish our basement,” said Darla.

In November 2005, Glen and his son, Carter, boarded a plane bound for Liberia. They traveled for approximately 28 hours to arrive in the WACSN orphanage where they met their new family members: Vera- 13, Matthew-11, John-8, Mimi-6 and Maria-4.

The introductions went well and the children formed an immediate bond with their new father and brother.

After spending a week in Africa, it was time to bring the children to Minnesota where Darla was eagerly waiting at the airport with all the other children.

Cooking for 15 people is no small feat, but Vera, age 16, loves to cook with her mom and is quite skilled in the kitchen. Here the family gathers for a meal of spaghetti and Ilia, age four, paused long enough to pose for the camera.

Matthew, now age 14, recalled what he expected to find in his new country. “I thought the streets would be paved with gold! I thought everyone lived in castles.”

Instead, the children arrived in Minnesota to find snow falling from the sky, something they had only seen in movies.

The culture change was a shock to the newly transplanted family.

“When we arrived home from the airport, we came in from the garage and switched on the lights. All the children jumped, startled from the indoor electricity which was something they were not used to,” said Darla.

“Language was also an issue,” explained Glen. “While English is the national language of Liberia, it is not like our English. There is a strong French influence. They truncate trailing consonants and skip connecting words which made it difficult to understand what they were saying.”

It took three to four months to communicate easily with the children. It took about two years and tons of love for everyone to get to that oneness that is part of being a family.

It was around that time that Darla and Glen welcomed another blessing into the family with the birth of Klein Eiden, who is, from the start, “Everyone’s Brother”.

According to the Eidens, the challenge of raising 13 children is an exercise of faith in God, daily prayer time and a lot of patience.

“We aren’t extraordinary people. We were not born with extraordinary patience. We were just called by God to take a step outside the boat and into the water of trust and He will never let us down.”

The Eidens highly recommend the gift of adoption to anyone who may feel
the”stirring”.

“We have been blessed more than we ever could imagine since taking this step of faith,” said Glen and Darla.

While Matthew may not have found the streets in America paved with precious metals, he did find a brand new family with hearts of gold.

November 23rd, 2008 by Jennine

Hi!
This is Jennine’s daughter Kait. I’m filling in for my mom as a guest blogger. As you know, we have a lot of kids in the house, all of whom are constantly trying to get my mom’s attention. I am a big fan of the cartoon show Family Guy, and today i ran across this clip on YouTube. It totally reminded me of my mom! I emailed it to her and she asked me to blog about it for her, since she is busy answering like a million questions! Now i need to ask her how to post this.

“Mom! Mom! Mom! Mummy! Mom! Mum!”

November 21st, 2008 by Jennine

Our elementary school-aged kids have an after school event today, a party of sorts, to celebrate their fundraising efforts from earlier in the school year. This has caused quite the stir in our home with behind-the-scenes plans being made after lights-out in the wee hours of 9:30 p.m.

Yesterday I overheard Elly and Nathanael discuss how to find each other:

Elly: Nathanael, this is a PARTY and it’s going to be crazy. We need a plan to meet up after the bell rings.

Nathanael: Yeah. How about by the third grade bathrooms?

Elly: Okay. You can hang with me and my friends, but don’t do anything to embarrass me.

Nathanael: I won’t.

One would think after listening to their conversation that they were going to a rave in Las Vegas.

This party was the first thing they talked about this morning. Nathanael approached me and said “Is this shirt okay, Mom?”

First time he’s ever shown any indication of clothes awareness.

“Yeah, Scoots. It’s even on the right way! You’re good.”

And then he said my favorite words ever.

“Since I’m going to be gone a long time today, I need a long hug.”

I know it’s not proper to revel in my child’s nervousness but, this morning, I totally did.

November 18th, 2008 by Jennine

I love how my kid writes an article for his teacher about how we let him play XBox for three hours in a row.

But seriously, how else is he going to get good at it?

Next he plans to write about how he went to bed once without brushing his teeth or the time we forgot him at the county fair.

Why can’t he write about the time I missed a Bon Jovi concert just because he had a painful hangnail?

November 15th, 2008 by Jennine

Keeping score in your life from Jennine Johnson on Vimeo

November 15th, 2008 by Jennine

Sipadan from Darek Sepiolo on Vimeo

The kids have been on break from school for the last few days because of parent/teacher conferences. I had plans to have a little fun with them but wouldn’t you know, the stomach flu has decided to sweep through our home.

It’s been rather exhausting and I just needed a little distraction from the messes.

I landed on this video after googling “I hate vomit and need a vacation”

Someone, somewhere is checking their website search queries and shaking their head in disgust.

This video is worth the download time. It helped me remember that the world is bigger than my four walls.

November 14th, 2008 by Jennine

During the 17 weeks that I was on bedrest while pregnant with Daniel, I had plenty of opportunity to read parenting books.

One of the popular trends on the parenting scene was called “Attachment Parenting”.

The term, “attachment parenting”, was conceived by pediatrician William Sears and his wife Martha, to describe a highly responsive, attentive style of caring for a child. Attachment parenting promotes physical and emotional closeness between parent and child through what the Sears refer to as the “Baby B’s”. The Baby Bs are bonding, breastfeeding, babywearing, bedsharing and boundary building.

Sounds good, right? What good mother wouldn’t want to promote physical and emotional closeness with her baby?

After reading about Attachment Parenting, I had no idea how I had managed to raise Kaitlyn and Kevin so well without incorporating the Baby B’s. I felt guilt for having them sleep in cribs and for not wearing them on my body 24/7.

So I immediately placed a call to the Le Leche League, bought a baby sling and moved all of our mattresses to one room- the new family bedroom. I was on a mission to bond like we have never bonded before.

Darren’s objections to the new sleeping arrangement were met with my response of “What? You don’t want to be the best parent you can be? You don’t want to give our children a safe, nurturing environment in which to grow? what is wrong with you??”

It’s hard to argue with that kind of logic, and the threat of soup cans being thrown at his head.

After Daniel came home from the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, I transformed into the poster child for AP. I wore Daniel in the sling every waking moment. I nursed him if he so much as whimpered, whether he was hungry or not. I refused to leave him, even for a moment, in the care of my mother, mother-in-law or empathetic friends. I mean, what if they set him down when they had to pee? He would be so lonely, so terrified.

As Daniel grew older, it became apparent that he needed me in ways Kaitlyn and Kevin had not. For one, I could not set him down. Ever. He lacked the ability to soothe himself. No toy could distract him from his need to be in my arms at all times and since I was bound by the Attachment Parenting laws to respond to every cry, I became a bond-slave to my child. He was the boss of me, had little need for his father, and no relationships with his extended family who desperately wanted to nurture him.

Secondly, Daniel had no schedule or routine. Our world revolved around his needs and wants.

I breastfed Daniel until he was old enough to tap on my breast and say “Hey! Is this thing on?” like a comedian tapping a microphone in a redneck bar.

All of this crazy behavior was fully sanctioned by experts and other elite AP moms who judged each other by deciding who was the biggest martyr for their child.

Now, I’m not saying that bonding with your baby is wrong. It is essential. I’m also not saying that breastfeeding is bad, nor am I saying that we shouldn’t respond to our baby’s needs with love. However, after giving the AP thing my full efforts, I can tell you the outcome:

I ended up hurting my son by making him the center of our world.

Daniel was a spoiled-rotten, demanding, inconsolable, miserable human being.

My husband was resentful of always being last on my list of priorities.

My family was hurt that I did not trust them with my baby.

I was exhausted and unhappy and always felt like I wasn’t doing enough.

I unfairly judged other mothers who apparently didn’t love their babies as much as I loved mine.

(This is painful for me to admit!)

After I finally admitted that my life was unmanageable and out of control, and after I apologized to Darren for having to put up with a nut job for four long years, I excercised a little common sense when Logan arrived.

I made my marriage the center of the family.

I established routines and a schedule for our new baby.

Everyone slept in their own rooms, in their own beds.

I let others be a part of our lives again.

I breastfed my baby when he was hungry, not when he needed a 98.6 degree pacifier.

I actually started sleeping in more than two hour increments.

And we became a happy family again.

That picture of Daniel up at the top of this post was taken at the height of my parenting dysfunction. We had just buckled him into his carseat and he screamed at me “UNBUCKLE ME ANYMORE!!!!”

He was the ultimate poster child for attachment parenting but through no fault of his own. It took us years to undo my mistakes when all I really wanted from the start was to give him the very best.

Edited to add: Daniel and I have had many conversations over the years about how my attempts to love him the best I could were misdirected and resulted in frustration for both of us. He gave his blessing on this post because he has a heart for helping others and, in the end, he’s just the best son any mother could ask for.

November 13th, 2008 by Jennine

Miss Elly turned 10 years old yesterday which is a relief to me. We have been listening to her countdown to the special day for the last 364 days. If you thought the political commercials were bad, try hearing a “It’s my birthday in only ___ days”, along with a list of her most coveted gift items.

We have a tradition of taking our birthday children out to eat at a restaurant that doesn’t require the engine to remain running while you eat. This year Elly wanted shrimp for her birthday meal which, in our rural area, limited our choices.

But we found her shrimp and she enjoyed the meal knowing that now she has one more thing in common with Hannah Montana because Hannah eats shrimp at every meal.

After we finished eating, we took Elly to a store to pick out paint for her bedroom, something I’m guessing Hannah Montana has never done.

Since Elly shares a room with her little brother, a choice she made when Kait moved out and she discovered that the darkness of night requires another body to be in the room, I tried to nudge Elly away from the neon purple that she chose for the color.

“You know what the smart decorators do, Elly?”

“What?”

“They choose a neutral color for the walls and bold colors for the accent. That way, should you go blind grow tired of the bright purple, it is easy to change the look of your room!”

Darren and I teamed up to sell the idea. That’s where I present the idea and Darren sucks in wind like he’s starved for oxygen and says “Ahhhhhhh… what a GREAT IDEA!”  We have found this to be a highly effective parenting tool whether it be for selling a bath, bedtime or a chore list.

Elly tapped her chin with her index finger,  thought about it for a minute and said “I think you’re right. This could work.”

And then she proceeded with a list of must-have decorating accents, the likes of which would make Bill Gates take a peek at his checkbook to make sure he could cover the tab.

Apparently counting backwards from 364 can make you irrational.

So this weekend, we are giving Elly her birthday gift–a redecorated bedroom. This weekend is also deer hunting, a fact that has not gone unnoticed by my husband.

“Oh, come on, Honey… [sucking in wind like I'm starved for oxygen]… this will be REALLY FUN!”

“It’s not going to work, Jennine, I know what you’re trying to do,” he said while rolling his eyes.

I leaned over and whispered something in his ear.

“Will you shake on that?”

I nodded.

“Then you’re right. This is going to be REALLY FUN!”

Yeah. I’m gifted in the art of persuasion.

November 11th, 2008 by Jennine

Tonight was our football team’s awards banquet and Darren and I couldn’t be more proud of Kevin, who also made the A honor roll this quarter.

Receiving a plaque for being the team’s “Pit Bull”: $0

Being voted All Conference by the conference coaches: $0

Being made next year’s co-captain of the team: $0

Receiving the awards from a coach who is a Marine veteran: Priceless

Thank you for your service to our wonderful country, Coach Kirby. You have our deepest respect and gratitude.