Archive for July 29th, 2008

Where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and all the children are above average

Tuesday, July 29th, 2008

While on vacation, we did, indeed, have opportunity to wet our lines in a few lakes. The experience gave me insight on why my grandfather habitually lied in order to preserve the sanctity of his fishing hole.

Each time a child caught a fish, no matter the size, all the other children immediately beat a path to the exact location of the catch, as if all the fish in the lake were located in that one spot. I’m convinced it wasn’t an act of malice but more of an innate reaction common to all anglers.

This reaction, while humorous to observe, resulted in crossed lines, tangled bobbers and many, many verbal outbursts.

logan

While it appears to be a mere minnow purchased from a bait store, Nathanael actually caught this fish with a common night crawler:

fish1

“Isn’t it cute?” he said as I snapped the photo.

Cute, for sure, but nothing for anyone to covet. Nothing that should have resulted in shoving or declarations of squatter’s rights. Yet the moment he caught this wee little fish, the rest of the kids cast their lines at the exact spot where Nathanael pulled it from the water. Because size doesn’t matter.

fish2

And poor Darren. He was the one who spent time untangling the messes over and over again while trying to explain that there are many fish in the lake and “Why not try over there? No one has fished there yet!”

tangles

His suggestions fell on 12 deaf ears. (Kait was tuning the whole scene out with her iPod.)

You can imagine what happened when Kevin caught this:

fish

The resulting chaos prompted a conversation between Darren and me on whether or not to abandon the children on the shore of this remote lake.

“They can live on wild blueberries.” I offered.

“But where will they sleep?” he asked.

“I’m pretty sure someone will find the PERFECT spot and then all the others will stack themselves like cord wood on top of each other because no other spot will do.”

“What will the headlines read when we are found out?”

“Seven Children Last Seen In One 12-Inch Spot on the Shore of Lake Wobegon, Parents Enjoying the Solitude of Being in Custody”

“We could say that we left them on White Pine.”

“Oh, you are BRILLIANT! The authorities would fall for it hook, line and sinker.”

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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. ~ Erma Bombeck
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