I’m on my third Monster energy drink today and I still feel like a scatter-brained, ADHD patient whose been handed a dozen more irons to add to my already full fire. Only my attempt to medicate myself with Monster Chai has backfired into a good case of the caffeine jitters.

This is not good.

I get stuck in this rut a couple times a year and I have no idea what triggers it but I do know that the only solution is to let go of my expectations and try to find pleasure in the little things of life.

Like taking the kids to the park and watching them play even though my toilet needs a good scrubbing. And buying crappy bread at the store rather than grinding wheat and making my own. And celebrating the fact that no one has needed to go to the emergency room.

I can sprint at full speed for only so long before I decide that taking one more step is just asking too much of myself. You see, moms don’t really get a vacation when even taking time off from work. Meals still need to be made and laundry still needs to be washed. There are still questions to be answered from inquisitive kids and someone always needs attention. There are always bills to be paid and appointments to keep.

The truth is… I’m not sure if I would know what to do if no one expected anything from me at any given moment of the day. I would love to find out. I would love to not feel guilty for taking a whole day to get lost in a historical novel or a marathon of CSI episodes. I would love to let go of the nagging thought that my laundry pile is growing while I mentally check out for 24 hours.

But I’m a mom and that means that mentally checking out happens in five minute increments. This explains the scatter-brained feeling.

I’m old enough to know that I’ll feel better tomorrow so that persistent fear that I’m not going to snap out of this funk can take a flying leap. I managed to meet my deadline with the marathon runner story and that feels good. The kids can make PB&J sandwiches for supper and not develop scurvy. My floor can be sticky for one more day without the world coming to an end. God is in control and I can find peace in that.

So for the rest of the day, or when my hands stop shaking, I’m going to do nothing but play Guitar Hero.

Screw the laundy.