My knees still get a little shaky every time my deadline rolls around at the newspaper and I still fight the persistent fear that maybe I’ll sit down to write and nothing will come out of my pen. I’ve heard of writer’s block but writer’s stage fright? My mind somehow envisions my little stenographer’s book as the stage and that everyone reading my words will picture me naked.

It’s not easy to write an advertisement for “Business of the Week” when I prefer to focus on the business owner’s children or how they feel about Hannah Montana’s scandalous photos. They seem to prefer me to write about collision repairs and law office history. It’s their dime. I get that.

So when I submitted an unsolicited piece from my blog and learned that the editor actually USED IT IN THE PAPER, I was as smug as Andrew Dice Clay on a New Jersey stage. I bragged to my children, called Darren and my mom and then jumped up and down on my bed for 20 full minutes screaming things like “NO ONE KEEPS BABY IN THE CORNER!!”

And then  came the email with the subject line “ERROR“.

I incorrectly identified the horse show I covered for the sports section. I called one saddle club by another saddle club’s name and the office received calls about it.

Being a woman who feels completely out of her league her this profession , I will most likely dwell on my mistake rather than my success because I don’t know how to tell myself “Everyone makes mistakes.” I can say it to my kids, my friends and family, my husband but my brain rejects hearing it from me or anyone else.

I do know that there’s nothing I can do to change it. It’s history now. I learned the hard way to verify information until I’m absolutely sure it’s correct. Which is why I’ve spell-checked this post three times versus my normal none.

Despite the ERROR and despite the fact that I will punish myself by repeating the word s*** in my head for a while, my work- my real, heart-felt work is lining cat litter boxes, laying on coffee tables and being read by people I pass in the street and I don’t know how to explain just how good that feels.

Almost as good as when I watch this.