“Dad, I want to go ice fishing with Tyler.”

“That’s fine but where are you going to get the money to buy minnows?”

“Man, I really need to get a job. I’m tired of living birthday to birthday!”

For those of you who do not know, my nine year old daughter is the author of a blog called “Ask Miss Elly”. She offers unusually wise advice for someone who still cannot reach the glasses on the shelf of our kitchen cupboard without jumping on the counter first.

For those of you who do know her…she’s as happy as a jackass eating thistles to have her very. own. website. And she misses Bill the most because he actually sent her $5 to answer a question correctly.

I invite you to visit Ask Miss Elly and if you’re in a really generous mood…ask her a question. She will undoubtedly have a hilarious answer.

Imagine being too small to take part in one of doghood’s greatest pleasures: drinking from a toilet.

Thankfully we were able to provide an alternative for Mr. Bingley. Now if only we could find a miniature fire hydrant…

Saturday we spent the entire day at a wrestling tournament for Kevin. By entire day I mean from the hours of “Are we there yet?” to “If I have to watch one more match, my eyeballs are going to implode”. It was a long day of plugging quarters into our children so that they could buy over-priced concession stand food and give us a momentary break from the “I’m bored” routine.

And yet, this is what loving families do for each other.

So next time I’m standing in line at the DMV, renewing my driver’s license, you can bet Kevin will be there cheering me on as my picture is taken. After my next pap smear, Kevin will be waiting outside the exam room with an ice cold Gatorade. He can pat my back and say “Good job, Mom! I’m proud of you!”

Okay. Maybe that’s a little extreme. Right now I can barely get him to acknowledge me as I hand him a stack of freshly laundered clothes. Truly the best case scenario I can imagine after investing so much time and energy on a child is that he will do the same for his own one day.

Anyway, Kevin took third place and I thought I’d share one of his pins captured on video by Elly Joy, his nine year old sister. (She insisted I mention her name so as not to infringe on her copyrights.)

Kevin is wearing the blue and yellow.

I must have been a bad girl this year because Santa brought me a nasty virus for Christmas. It was one of those coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever gotta rest type of illnesses and I’m just now, ten days later, feeling back to my old self again.

Thanks for nothing, Airborne.

Anyway, as I was lying in bed in a hallucinatory, fever-induced state, I started thinking about the presidential campaign. Maybe it was Fox News playing in the background or maybe I’m a hyper-brilliant girl whose genius only surfaces with a climbing body core temperature, but I came up with an idea I just have to share.

I can’t speak for you but I for one am tired of hearing political rhetoric from all the candidates. They all promise to cut taxes, give birth to an entirely new health care system and restore the stability to the social security system. Promises, promises. All of the candidates seem so rehearsed and prepared, primped and packaged into something deemed acceptable by Gallop polls published in USA Today. It’s like The Stepford Candidates and it freaks me out. Instead campaign finance reform, why not just reform campaigns period?

Here’s my simple but genius idea- anyone seeking the office of President of the United States has to submit themselves to a battery of Reality television shows. The overall winner gets the job.

For instance, don’t you want to know if Clinton and Romney are Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? Foreign policy experience seems irrelevant if you can’t even point out Tanzania on a map. I want the candidates to answer a 4th grade math question like- If a triangle has an area of 16 square inches and a base of 8 inches, how long is its height? If you get that wrong, how do we trust you to balance the national budget?

They say that leadership qualities are the most important thing to look for in a candidate. How about we match them up in pairs and send them on The Amazing Race? If Hilary stumbles and sprains her ankle while trying to catch a taxi cab in Istanbul, would Edwards help her along or call her a wussy girl and accuse her of faking? Would Hilary run a fair race or would she sabotage others along the way? That’s the kind of information I’m looking for before making my decision.

Another popular question: Does a candidate have the courage it takes to defend and protect our country in an ever-increasing hostile world? Put Huckabee and Thompson on Fear Factor and lets find out. Enough already with the well polished political ads, I want to see if they have the stomach to wear the eel helmet without crying out to their mommas. What a great way to determine if someone really wants the job.

You really want to get to know who you’re voting in to be president of our country? Put the entire bunch in to the Big Brother house and let’s watch them. No more speeches and debates. Let’s lock them in to a well monitored living environment and see who is the peacemaker, troublemaker, conformist, isolationist, etc… Let’s listen in to their conversations and analyze their body language while lounging at the pool’s edge. People can put on an act for only so long before their true colors appear.

Am I onto something here or did the quart of Nyquil I consumed during my illness fry a few important brain cells? Before you answer… picture Sean Hannity doing the tango with Hilary Clinton on “Dancing with the Presidential Candidates” and tell me you wouldn’t tune in to watch.