Archive for December, 2007

Clear and Present Danger

Thursday, December 20th, 2007

It's been said that in order to fully appreciate the holiday, adults should attempt to see Christmas through the eyes of a child. Yeah right. Yesterday I tried to do just that by paying careful attention to the conversations taking place in my home:

“Mom said she’s spent the same amount on everyone but I deserve a bigger present than you. You don’t do anything around here but eat, sleep and make messes for everyone else.”

“Yeah, well, we’d know by now what she bought us if you hadn’t complained about her putting the presents under the tree so early last year. Now we don’t get to find out until Christmas DAY!”

“All I know is that it better be something I like.”

“Oh yeah? How do you gift wrap laziness?”

“Shut up, you retard!”

And then I overheard:

“I’m returning whatever Mom and Dad got me so I can buy BB’s for my gun.”

“What if she gives you the gift of hard work?”

“Then I’m going to regift it to you.”

Yes. How can you not help but want to bestow expensive and numerous gifts upon children who behave in this manner?

My wish for Christmas, the only gift I want, is to have a Christmas like this one:

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I’m Bringing Sexy Back

Monday, December 17th, 2007

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Planetary Political Correctness

Monday, December 17th, 2007

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“Mom, which is closer to the sun? Saturn or Ur-inus?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Which is closer to the sun? Saturn or Ur-inus?”

“Do you mean Uranus?”

“Well, Mrs. Lambert says we have to call it ‘Ur-inus’.”

“What’s wrong with Uranus?”

“Mommmmm!”

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These Are a Few of My Favorite Things

Friday, December 14th, 2007

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Between providing daycare to a three month old and training a brand new puppy, I am constantly washing my hands throughout the day. Hand Relief from Aveda is the only lotion that has worked for me. I can’t do winter without it.

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There are nine people living in this house and some days my home smells like winter boot. Yankee Candle sells the best fragranced candles in the world. I’ve tried quite a few of their collection but Home Sweet Home is my favorite with Clean Cotton coming in a close second.

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Darren swears he saw a report where a study was done on the efficacy of this delightful product. According to the study there was no conclusive evidence that Airborne helped ward off colds and viruses the way it claims. I laugh at him! I give this to our children faithfully and they have not had one single sniffle turn into the bubonic plague this winter. Call it the placebo effect if you prefer. I can’t prove that it works but it sure feels good to do something proactive for my family.

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I discovered Huggable Hangers on HSN one day and decided to give them a try. Not only do they increase space in your closet, they are covered in velvet which prevents clothes from slipping off. No more clothes laying on the floor of my children’s closets after they carelessly grab for something and cause an avalanche of outfits in the process. The necks swivel. The craftsmanship is excellent. I’m in love!

 

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No more making extra trips to develop photos. Just upload and order and they arrive in your mailbox super fast. I’ve done a ton of business with Shutterfly and have never been disappointed. The turn around time is incredible!

 

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Best Hot Cocoa $.95 can buy!

 

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Kaboom Never Scrub! Oh yeah. This works like a odor-free charm. Seriously. Kid tested-mother approved! It’s cheap and eliminates my need to have a germy toilet bowl scrubber laying around waiting for someone to use as a Ninja sword against their siblings.

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This essential oil, sold by Essential 3, is the most fantastic I’ve encountered. I put several drops in a spray bottle and mist the kids rooms before they go to sleep. I add it to mop water, too, when I just want to freshen the house. It’s lovely enough to be worn as perfume if you mixed it with a base like almond oil. It’s clean, pure and angelic. And I’ve smelled alot of angels in my day.

 

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We’re Going Live In Three, Two, One…

Thursday, December 13th, 2007

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About a month ago I nominated my son’s 2nd grade teacher for a twin cities radio station’s “Teacher of the Week”. Imagine my surprise when the radio station called this morning to inform me that Mr. Erdman was chosen!

Early tomorrow morning they will call to record an interview with me and then at 8:40 AM they will talk to Mr. Erdman live on the radio from his classroom!

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I can’t think of teacher more deserving of recognition than Mr. E. He’s taught the second grade to three of my children now and at the end of the year, they have all been in tears having to say goodbye for the summer.

Mr. E is the type of guy who promises to stand on his desk and sing songs if the class can gather 75 items for the local foodshelf. Every Friday he sends home a calendar of events for the upcoming week and always attaches encouraging stories for parents. He makes everyone he comes in contact with feel like the most important person in the world.

And yes, I’m practicing here what I am going to say tomorrow. I’m a little nervous. KS95 is a huge station in our area and I’m just praying I don’t burst out into a Fran Drescher laugh or come down with a massive sinus infection in the next 12 hours.

If you have nothing better to do, KS95’s site can be found here. There’s a link to listen live.

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Quote of the Month
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. ~ Erma Bombeck
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