This time I made it four months before admitting to myself that I do not have the emotional make up for working outside the home. Not when I have seven of the most adorable children walking the planet. Not when the guilt of not being here when my children get off the school bus chokes me like a Japanese pretzel. Not when I am compelled to pour all of my energy into my work which leaves crumbs for the people I care most about. I think the words of my father “Don’t ever do a half-assed job” genetically altered my very cells. I give whatever I’m doing 100% which, for the last four months, made me an excellent employee but a lousy momma.
June 8th is my last day at my beloved salon. I’m orphaning my work family and returning my attention to home. Since we cannot survive in our current situation without my income, I have placed an advertisement in the local paper for daycare and am pursuing a license from the state.
I see diapers in my future. (I miss them dearly) I see less guilt and more homemade meals. I see less tension headaches and more peace of mind. We’ve worked so hard to keep this home–it’s a joy to actually spend time in it again.
I feel like Dorothy when she woke up from her bad dream.
