I adore living in the country. We apparently share our land with a yearling black bear.

It was a proud moment, the day my child was chosen to play the part of Nelly Nosepicker in the second grade play “Miss Nelson is Missing”- a story about how an unruly classroom gets restored to order.

However, I must admit to having reservations.

Elly is the the epitome of all things girlish. She practices her posture by walking around with books on her head. She sings and dances for anyone stationary long enough to be considered an audience. She prides herself on carrying one of my spare purses filled with her stuffed animals should a moment arise when she needs to care for a creature or mother a doll.

I had no idea she had it in her to be naughty and gross.

On the afternoon of her performance, I walked into the school office to check myself in as a visitor since I volunteered to do makeup for the event. I found Elly sitting on a plastic bed in the nurse’s office.

“Mom!” she came running, “I am so nervous that I think I’m going to throw up!”

“Well, Elly. If you throw up, that would be even grosser than having to pick your nose in front of a room filled with strangers. Right?”

“Yeah. I suppose.”

I walked back with her to the classroom and we started preparing for the play. One of her teachers pulled me aside and said “You know that we chose her for this role because it is so unlike her!”

“You think??”

Elly definitely got in touch with her inner nose picker, however, as she entered the stage and rolled fake boogers, flicking them at audience members along the way. The more laughs she got, the more crude she became as Nelly.

The little snot!

Today is the first anniversary of my kidney donation and I’m happy to say that the recipient is healthy and about to graduate from high school with her senior class. In the fall she’s going off to college like a normal kid. There is a deep satisfaction in knowing I had something to do with that.

I spent this remarkable day in a dental chair which is ironic because I’d rather give away my other kidney than have something metal scraping my teeth. Two hours of nitrous oxide made it almost tolerable but I still can’t believe that we live in an age where body parts can be shared amongst humans yet we still resort to drilling teeth as a reasonable method of dental care.

The dental assistant said to me “We recommend that you brush your teeth for at least four minutes, twice a day.”

“Are you therious?” I drooled. “Thex doethnt even take that long! You’ve got to be kidding!”

“No. I just do it while I’m showering.” she replied.

“Thex? Or brushing”

That’s when she turned the happy gas off.