The kids’ return to school has caused Bingley the Neurotic considerable despair as he now sits at the window, muscles convulsing, waiting the yellow Horrible to bring back his people.
Nothing, including crisp bacon, will tempt him away from his spot on the ledge.
Which makes me look bad because I would push my children over a ledge if it meant I could have their bacon.
Explanation from the McCain campaign staff can be found here, but seriously.
It’s not like someone asked him how many socks he owns.
The phrase “eat like a bird” is defined as “eat very little”. It is often used when speaking about someone who needs very little food to get by, often used when criticizing someone for not eating enough. Having fed birds, I can unequivocally say that this is a complete misnomer.
Birds are pigs.
We have two bird feeders which are constantly needed to be filled due to the large volume our little bird population consumes. But they don’t even eat all the food we offer in our feeders. They take as much pleasure from eating as they do spilling the seeds which means I spend time pulling weeds from the base of the feeder as the castoffs sprout in the ground.
I read that birds typically eat ten times their weight in food every day and yet I’ve only seen the occasional obese robin.
I am convinced that this “bird flu” we all hear about is actually bird bulimia. The birds eat so much that they force themselves to vomit in effort to avoid outgrowing their nests and being ostracized by bird society. It’s not virus, but vanity, that takes these birds’ lives and yet we contribute to the problem by enabling the cycle with our all-you-can-eat bird buffets.
I also blame the media for printing books like “A Field Guide to the Birds of Eastern and Central North America” which sets an unrealistic ideal of what birds should look like by printing photos of anorexic, teenage birds.
Next time I see a fat bird I’m going to whistle at it like a New York City construction worker.
I can take no credit for the blooming of this plant except to say that for a full year I avoided running it over with my car.
Perennial is Latin for “plant that withstands idiots”.
Q: How many ADHD children does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Let’s go ride bikes!
Just when I think that Isaiah is incapable of sitting still for more than a nanosecond, I catch him on the deck rail trying to get an up close view of the gold finches we feed. He was in this position for more than a half hour which means that I no longer blame his DNA for the chronic case of the wiggles.
He was rewarded for his efforts once he covered himself in a towel with just his face peeking out.
The moment I captured this image, he sprang back to life and proceeded to chase squirrels up and down trees in our woods.
The child knows how to make life fun.
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