**Due to the sensitive nature of this post, names have been changes in order to protect the guilty**
We are fortunate to have central air conditioning in our home despite the fact that the unit which came with our house when we purchased it is just a little too small to cool properly on the really hot days.
Kyle and Cartman’s room tends to be the warmest in the house so they have a large fan in their room to help keep things tolerable in the heat of the summer evening.
Unfortunately, the fan has become a great source of contention between the brothers. They both want to fall asleep with the fan blowing directly on them because then they are the winner.
Tonight the fighting and arguing was in rare form. I ignored the ever-increasing volume of debate because I was too tired to care about something so trivial. All I wanted for the remaining hours of my evening was to sprawl, bra-less, on my couch with a spoon and a pint of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. I fantasized about it all day long.
“Mommmm! Tell Cartman to turn the fan on meeeee. He’s had it on him for the last two nightsssssssss,” pleaded Kyle in the tone of voice that makes me say really bad words in my head.
“Cartman!” I responded from the couch in the living room, “It’s Kyle’s turn to have the fan on him tonight and if you say one word about it, the fan is coming out of your room!”
I used the voice that tells the kids I mean business. It’s the voice where all words are connected together and sound a lot like a machine gun being fired into the air by a member of the Medellín Cartel.
It was effective for about five minutes before Kyle made one last battle cry:
“MOMMMMM! CARTMAN KEEPS FARTING INTO THE FAN FOR NO REASON AND IT’S BLOWING RIGHT INTO MY FACE AND HE HAD BEAN WITH BACON SOUP FOR SUPPER!!!!”
And so one wind ruined the other.
Tags: Kids Say..., Life In My Shoes
July 31st, 2008 at 4:12 pm
Oh this is too funny! That Cartman is a pretty clever kid. If you can’t lick em, pollute em!
I like the fact that Kyle complained that Cartman was farting in the fan “for no reason.” I’d like to know when there is a good reason to do that.
July 31st, 2008 at 5:11 pm
Hopefully you will be able to buy some assorted corks before we get there! Bill P.S. Guests get the fan, unless everyone wants to do pushups,
July 31st, 2008 at 6:31 pm
Jeff- They always insert the “for no reason” because when they tattle tale to me, I always ask what their part was in the scuffle. They’ve been known to say things like “Kevin sprayed ‘Axe’ in my eyes…for no good reason” or “Daniel gave me a wedgie…for no good reason.” Don’t tell them this but it makes me laugh on the inside every time they say it.
Bill- I promise you’ll have our biggest fan blowing in your face the whole time you are here. Unless, of course, Lois wants it and then I’m blowing it in her face…for no reason.
July 31st, 2008 at 7:48 pm
I knew threatning push ups would get your kids in line. Did you buy corks for the poopers?–Bill
July 31st, 2008 at 8:16 pm
First of all, who served them bean with bacon soup??? Oofdah!
Secondly, why, after reading this post, would you WANT the fan on you when you come to visit??? Looks like that’s choosing to be in the line of fire!
A good hostess would promise to only serve white food without any spice stronger than salt.
July 31st, 2008 at 10:23 pm
Bill- If I cork ‘em, they’ll explode and I just washed the windows!
Kiki- Bean with Bacon is one of their favorites, much to my dismay. And you, an Italian, want me to serve Blandanavian food? I think not!
August 5th, 2008 at 2:25 am
[...] fail to mention that Bill showered my kids with gifts, including a fan, which will prevent future fan farting, for which I will forever be grateful, radios, notebooks and THE most prepared preparedness kit I [...]