The following are literal English translations of Latin phrases as interpreted by a stay-at-home mother:
Ad absurdum- “For the third time, you cannot have another scoop of ice cream”
Ad nauseum- “Tummy ache? I told you not to have another scoop of ice cream”
Addendum- “Don’t forget to brush your teeth”
Affidavit- the evidence a child leaves when writing his or her name on the wall in permanent marker
Agenda- the impetus for a child saying “You look pretty today, Mom”
Alibi- “I was minding my own business. I didn’t spill red Kool-Aid on the carpet”
Carpe diem- “Today I should probably wear something other than my pajamas”
Caveat emptor- “This toy requires 12 AA batteries”
Cogito, ergo sum- “He wakes at noon, therefore he deserves to watch tv for the rest of the day”
Curriculum vitae- “My teacher needs you to sign this form because I forgot to turn in my homework assignment.”
E pluribus unum- “The spot on the couch everyone fights for”
Ego- “adolescent male”
Finis- “the attempt to squeeze the last remaining toothpaste from the tube”
Gratia placenti- the relief one feels at the end of labor and delivery
Homo sum- the one addition mistake you make in your checkbook, which takes two hours to find.
In excelsis- the tale of the fish that got away
In memoriam- “I forgot my homework at home”
Literati- assuming “we’ll see” means “yes”
Magna charta- great chore chart never implemented
Maximus in minimus- trying to squeeze into last year’s blue jeans
Mea Culpa- “He did it! Not me”
Memorandum- remembering the stupid thing you said to your boss
Numerus clauses- fabricated number for reaching Santa with a Christmas wish list
Per accidens- the way fine china is broken
Post coitum- the inevitable bad dream a child has when the parents have decided to have a quickie before falling to sleep.
Pro bono- an avid U2 fan
Quid pro quo- promise made to take out the trash for a ride to the volleyball game
Respice finem- the day the youngest graduates from high school
Rigor mortis – half eaten sandwich found in teenager’s room
Status quo- “All my friends are doing it. Why can’t I?”
Ultima ratio- to serve exact equal portions of food to avoid complaints
Veni, vedi, veci- “I saw his toy, I took his toy, Now it is mine.”
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