My friend, Stacy, LOVES the thrift store. She has an uncanny ability to find really cute outfits, probably because she enjoys looking through miles of racks of clothing. Or she’ll enter the store with the intention of finding a size nine, strappy sandal in the “perfect” shade of blush – and she’ll find them!

Stacy

She’s a Thrift Store Queen and proud of it. She flaunts it and rubs my nose in it because she’s just mean that way.

Me? I’d LOVE to be a Thrift Store Queen but there are several obstacles I can’t seem to overcome.

First and foremost… the Thrift Store Smell nauseates me. It’s the smell of a thousand stagnant closets. People don’t wash their clothing before dropping it off at the Thrift Store. They grab unwanted clothing from under their beds, stuff it into garbage bags and drop it off where hard-working Thrift Store workers shake out the clothes and hang them on cheap hangers.

I’m not a germaphobe but I don’t care to run my fingers over 20 year-old corduroy slacks either. Don’t even get me started on the undergarment section. IT OUGHT TO BE ILLEGAL. I once witnessed a young woman rifle through a bin full of pre-owned panties and it made me physically gag. I had to leave the store with my hand covering my mouth.

Yes, I know I’m a freak. No need to remind me. I have a husband for that.

Since I have a large family, there are times when good sense prevails and I’ll force myself to hunt for a nice, used winter coat or a pair of jeans for my growing boys. My solution is painful:

Vicks Vapo Rub…right up the nose.

It burns, sure, but at least I’m not smelling the aroma of Great-Uncle Leroy’s sock drawer.

Another obstacle I cannot seem to overcome is my lack of talent in finding an amazing deal. I’m tired of hearing Internet stories of women who find the lost Dead Sea Scrolls hidden behind the velvet Dogs Playing Poker picture in the “art” section of the Thrift Store.  Or a Fabergé egg in a box of Tupperware lids.

Whatever.

I can immediately spot (and want) the most expensive fabric at JoAnn Fabrics. We all have our own individual talents.

Considering my disdain for Stores of Thrift, I recently had a small success that I want to share.

Elly has been in need of a dresser in her bedroom and I really wanted to find something vintage/princess-y for her versus modern and contemporary. It’s not exactly auction season here in Minnesota so I was forced to snort some Vicks and pay a visit to Smells R Us.

Imagine my shock when I found this:

Thirty-five bucks, baby!

I found my Fabergé egg!

I primed my Fabergé egg:

I painted the trim of my Fabergé egg:

And I overcame a Thrift Store obstacle!

But there is one problem.

Though my family denies it (mostly to shut me up), my Fabergé egg smells like someone’s Great-Aunt Stella.

I’m convinced that “vintage” is Latin for “unusual aroma”.

Now that I’ve fixed the outside, does anyone have any great ideas to freshen up the inside? I seriously need this experience to have a happy ending.